A Broken Girl

Its hard to look into the mirror and see an unhappy person staring back. No matter how happy she may look on the outside, the eyes can never lie. They show the true depth of pain and sadness, the true nature of the beast. It's awful to see, but it's even more so when you know it's there but have no idea how to fix it, how to reverse the damage that has been done.

When things get rough I put myself away from others. I try to sort it out on my own. No body else needs to see the real person beneath the make up and the happy, bubbly exterior. Everyone is busy with their own problems. They don't need to deal with mine on top of everything else. So I turn here. I turn to the one place I feel like I can put my feelings down on to paper and not be judged. I have always found freedom through my writing and this is the outlet that gives me a little relief. It's not enough, but it's better than nothing.

I look at myself in the mirror and I see a broken person. I see someone who can't love herself, or anyone else. Who doesn't allow anyone to love her. As soon as someone gets to close she pushes them away for fear they will one day glimpse the real person and turn away in revulsion. I see a girl with no confidence. A girl who will never amount to anything or let herself amount to anything. Too many people have told her throughout her life that she will never be special, will never be as good as everyone else. Her opinions are wrong and don't matter. Every word that comes out of her mouth is unintelligent and not to be heeded. She is someone who can just be easily cast aside because there will always be someone out there who is better than she is.

I don't like this person and I don't know how this person can ever be turned into something worthwhile and special. She will forever be trapped and haunted by the demons of the past and they will make sure she never moves forward.

This is a girl who is afraid of failure and afraid of disappointment. She is afraid to take risks and believe she is the best at what she is, because there will always be someone better. She will be mediocre at best.

That's all she is. A broken girl. A broken girl who refuses to let anyone help. Who just can't convey to anyone else these feelings. Even her closest friends. How can she let them see her like this? The answer is she can't. She just has to swallow all of it and keep going like there is nothing wrong. She just has to.

~Dragon Eyes~