I Look Like a Lobster!!

Yup. I spent an hour and half or so sitting outside of Starbucks with Jaci, Kelly and Steph for writer's club and I look like a lobster. My arms and chest are all red! Oops. So much for putting on the sunscreen. I should really learn to do that by now. Oh well. Writer's club went well today. The four of us talked about various things and about different pieces we are working on. Next week Kelly is supposed to be bringing some stuff to share with everyone and I think I am going to volunteer for the week after that. I want to rewrite my story The Search For Truth. I have two chapters written and I am working on the third one. But I want to show them and see if I can make it the very best it can possibly be because I want to get it published at some point in my life. We will just have to see what happens with all of that. After that I went home and spent even more time out doors weeding with the family and almost got eaten alive by ants. I really don't like ants at all!

Ali rode Grady today instead of me. Her horse is still lame and we are going to trailer him to the vet on Friday for x-rays. That should be oh so much fun. Grady looked good and we are going to keep working with him to make him the best he can possibly be. That's my goal anyways.

I think I have come to a decision about Branford Hall. I think I am going to hold off for now and see if I can get into the program sometime in the fall so I can have my summer to myself to work on my body and cooking, writing and knitting. I am also going to apply to places and see if I can get a job to work at and put in applications for teaching and maybe some teaching jobs. Who knows. We will just see where my life takes me.

Kyle and I are working on getting together on Monday to hang out and just watch movies and such at someones house. I am pretty cool with this idea since I am not a big formal date person at all.

Well, I guess I better get back to cleaning my room. I did my desk today and am currently sitting at it and typing away on my computer! I am super stoked about this whole idea! My room looks slightly worse now but I am working on it slowly but surely. I got 20 days left before the windows go in and I am hoping I will be done cleaning this room by the end of next week. We will see....

~Dragon Eyes~

21 Days

Today was a low key day of pretty much nothing. I did finally repot my poor spider plant. It sat outside in the nice weather all day and I'll keep on doing that and see if I can make it happy looking again. That might take a while. The other thing I found out today was that the new windows my parents bought are being installed in 21 days. I now have 21 days to clean my room so that the people can actually get to the windows to put them in. I didn't do anything with my room today, but I will start tomorrow with my desk and continue onward. One day at a time I guess. I really do hate cleaning my room.

Tomorrow I am going to try and swim laps in my pool. I hope it will warm up a little before I jump in, but if not I will just have to deal with the 75 degree water. It's been done before. I am also supposed to be meeting Kelly and Jaci for our writer's club that we tried last summer. This time we are actually going to try and keep it going. I will just see where life takes me. And that's pretty much all for now. Very low key day indeed.

~Dragon Eyes~

My Car Sounds Like a Giant Tribble

Yup. That's exactly what my car sounds like. There is indeed something wrong with it because it should not purr like that. I don't know if you know what a tribble is but if you are a Star Trek fan then you will know. It's from one of the best original Star Trek episodes with William Shatner where they were protecting this special wheat shipment and there were all these cute fluffy fuzz balls called tribbles. Well, my car kind of sounds like one, only a little deeper. I think it might be the transmission, but I am hoping that is not the case because that would be one big expensive mess.

My day has been rather uneventful. I had a lesson with a group of my barn friends and we were put through our paces, but it went well. Grady got pissy at the end, but he is known to do that. I spent a lot of time out there today. Took a nap partway through the day, did some knitting and went out with my mom to buy a pot for my very very sad little spider plant. The poor thing needs repotting, plant food and some sun. Tomorrow I am going to work on doing that. The poor thing. I also did some knitting. I tore apart my scarf for like the third or fourth time because I failed and messed up badly, but I am getting very good at doing it now.

I think I am going to do some bender ball stuff tomorrow because I am being a lazy bum getting to the gym and I am having serious fat days. I really need to get going and get myself into shape because I do not want to be seen in a bathing suit at the moment. I also need to find out when Yoga and Zumba starts, though I can just leap into zumba because I have done quite a bit of it before. Yoga will be different. I have done it before but I will wait for it to start up again so I can jump in and have a good time with people. I will get fit even if it kills me. Okay maybe not like that!!

~Dragon Eyes~

Broken Toes and Road Rash

No, don't worry. I am not the one suffering from a broken pinkie toe and road rash. That would be my little sister. Her horse has been lame and hasn't been ridden in about a week and is going kind of nuts. He stepped on her toe yesterday and broke it and then knocked her down and dragged her across the barn parking lot this evening. She has not been having a good week. Hopefully tomorrow she doesn't get bucked off Dude or crash the cars she is test driving. But that's the latest scoop from today.

I got home super late last night and never got around to blogging about how my date with Kyle went last night. As my last post stated, I was a nervous wreck for some reason about going on the date and everything and was still like that when I got to the mall at like 7:20pm. I got there before him as always so I went wandering to Forever 21 to soothe my soul. While I was there I sent out panicked text messages to Jocelyn and Amanda. Jocelyn and Christian (her boyfriend) were there in the mall and I immediately ran off to gain comfort from them and by looking at cute puppies in the pet shop. Amanda was also texting me and trying to keep me calm and tell me that everything would be alright. Eventually Kyle arrived and met us in the pet shop. We hung there for a little bit before wandering off together. The four of us eventually split ways and me and Kyle went looking at movie times and tried to figure out what to do for dinner. We eventually decided to see Iron Man 2 (which we have both seen and loved) and then decided to go to Friday's for dinner. That changed to Chili's when I saw the restaurant and made up my mind. But we had dinner there and it was a really good time and such and then we went back and saw Iron Man 2 and cuddled during it. After that he drove me back to my car, but we ended up sitting in his for a bit talking and such. Right before we parted ways we had our first kiss. Let's just say it was a great night and I was nervous for no reason. Yet again. I gave Jocelyn all the details on the phone on my way home.

Even though I got in late last night I got up early this morning and went to East Haddam to see my kids because they were painting today. They were over joyed to see me and I got hugs all around. They were just so excited to see me and I realized just how much I missed them as well. We had a good time today painting and such and I am going back on Tuesday to see my other two classes paint. I really do miss those kids. All in all it was a great day. I am going to try and find out where all my friendship bracelet making stuff went as well as do some knitting. We will see how that plan goes!

~Dragon Eyes~

Commitment Issues

I am going on my date tonight with Kyle (date number three), and for some reason I am more terrified than I was when I went out with him the very first time over a year ago. I sat down and talked to myself for a little bit and ended up talking to Amanda as well and I have commitment issues. I want a boyfriend and would like to have someone I can always confide in and who will always comfort me, but whenever I see myself working up to that point or getting into a relationship I panic and back away. It happens without fail. I can't seem to take the next step and let someone else into my life. I shut down and back away. Without fail. I don't know why I have these issues, but I hate them. Just when someone amazing walks into my life I suddenly feel trapped with no way out, backed into a corner. I'm starting to feel this way with Kyle and I want to kick some sense into myself. Let go and take that last frightening step forward. Open up to someone for once in my life. But thinking about doing that is frightening. As my sister put it nicely, "I am not intimate. I am a robot!"

I think part of this stems back to Mike. This is what Amanda picked out and I can see it. There was never really any closure between me and Mike. Things didn't get resolved and things just fell apart. I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know how our relationship could have been. I don't know any of that. Maybe we would have been amazing together and maybe we would have ended up right here again. I don't know and no one else knows, because nothing happened. I can close my eyes and picture us together. As I told Amanda, I could see myself married to him with kids. We were perfect for each other, but then again we must not have been since he doesn't talk to me and he has his own bimbo girlfriend. I keep trying to tell myself, "It's over and I have moved on to better things." But it's not easy. It's so hard.

I am afraid about how tonight is going to turn out. We are supposed to grab some food and then go see Nightmare on Elm Street at like 9ish. After that I will probably head home since I am supposed to see my kids tomorrow at Nathan Hale Ray High School. That moment when we leave scares me, because I don't know what's going to happen. He calls me "love" all the time now and we talk every day, and I am afraid that I'll be pushed into another relationship again. The last time that happened, ended horribly. I also wonder if his attachment is deeper than mine right now. I've gone through all this crap with Andrew and Mike before that. I am afraid to get myself in those situations again and be miserable again. I don't know if me and Kyle are going to share our first kiss tonight or not, but I don't know if I'm ready for that quite yet. And I am afraid to be rushed.

Usually when I get into these situations I back away. I could have called him and told Kyle that I wasn't feeling great and that we could postpone, but then how many more times would I do it before he backs away from me? I don't know. I guess I am facing my fears head on tonight and hoping to come out on the other end in one piece.

~Dragon Eyes~

There's a Wasp in My Car!!!!!

So today when it was almost 90 degrees, I drove a half an hour to the barn with all my windows open. I went through a very sketchy neighborhood in Bristol while blaring Adam Lambert all because a lovely wasp decided to hitch a ride inside my car. I am absolutely terrified of bees and such and somehow I managed to keep my cool and drive okay. I think the wasp eventually got sucked out of the window due to the extreme rush of air. I am not sure but it seems to have vanished. I hope it stays that way. When driving through that sketchy neighborhood I was waiting to get shot for listening to Adam Lambert. I am truly amazed I didn't. It was a pretty epic car ride that my sister and I found extremely amusing.

Other than that there isn't much news to report. I spent most of my day at the barn and such and even took a nap outside in the sun on my mom's wooden swing chair. I don't know why I am so tired, but it's getting rather annoying to say the least. Today was also the second time that I saw Kyle at the barn. He was one of the first people I met at the new barn and let's just say he is hot. There is just something about him that makes me drool. I am hoping to see a lot more of him this summer. I am also going out with Kyle tomorrow after Branford Hall. I don't know if I am going to go to the school anymore. I think I want to become a physical therapist instead. That sounds really cool and I have gotten so much physical therapy over the years that I feel I should give back to the community. I am going to look up stuff about that. But I am going out with Kyle tomorrow in Milford again. We are getting some food and going to see Nightmare on Elm Street. I am excited but also rather nervous. I don't know why I am nervous but I am all of a sudden. I am seriously hopeless.

I can now see the floor of my room and all of my clothes have been put away, so I think it's time to do a little bit of nothing.

~Dragon Eyes~

I Think There's Something Wrong With Me

I have some strange illness. That's all I know. I don't know what it is but it is a pain in the butt. I am always tired and managed to sleep for 11 and 14 hours the last two days and I still feel wiped out. I keep coughing and it feels like I am trying to swallow a giant lump of gunk. It's quite annoying to say the least. I just wish we could figure out what all of this is so I can actually get better and not feel so dead all the time.

Nothing super new to report today besides that I slept to 1pm today. This is something I never do. I got to ride my horse today and have a lesson tomorrow with him again. My sister's horse is still lame and stuff and we are trying to get to the bottom of everything. I hope things get better. It's sad when a horse is crippled. And it's even more sad when it's summer and you want to ride and can't.

~Dragon Eyes~

Bittersweet

Bittersweet. That's how it felt yesterday to graduate from Eastern Connecticut State University. It was so exciting to graduate and be done and move on in life, but at the same time it was sad. Eastern has been my home for the last four years. Ups and downs and lefts and rights. No matter what the place thew at me I was okay with it in the end, because it all helped shaped the person I have become today. The girl that walked out of the XL Center with her diploma wasn't the same girl that walked into Eastern freshman year. This new girl is so much older and wiser. She has experienced things in life that were both good and bad. She gained and lost friends and discovered who her "true" friends are. I look back and even though there are so many things that I wish had never happened, I don't think I would change a thing. Everything that happened, happened for a reason and I am super thankful for all of that.

It was crazy running around and snapping pictures with all my friends. I am going to miss them all so much. I look back and think of all the memories that we have all shared and all the years were have been together. Now we will have to physically get up the effort and go drive to each others houses to visit instead of rolling out of bed and walking across campus. It will be harder to see everyone, but we won't lose touch. There is facebook and AIM and skype and cell phones. We are all just a click away from each other pretty much. Still it won't be the same. I don't think any of it will sink in until late August. When Ali move's in and I don't, I will probably find that sadness and realization that this is all real. I have graduated from college. I am no longer a kid.

After the ceremony and while we are all milling around with friends and families and snapping a hundred thousand pictures, I got a text message. I figured it was Jeanette, Reeni, or Shrutika, but it was none of them. I look down and stare at my phone, read the name, blink, and stare some more. The name staring back up at me was one I have wanted to see, but at the same time did not. Mike BBKF. That was the name on my phone. Mike had sent me a message. Why? For what? We haven't talked in like 2 months and all of a sudden he was sending me a message. I opened it up, afraid of what I might find. "Congratulations on graduating." That's all it said. It took me a little bit to respond but i sent back a simple, "thank you." That's all and we didn't say anything else. I am glad. If he had continued talking to me I might have flipped out and then would have ruined the rest of my day. So that was that. I don't know what weill happen as the summer goes on, but I am trying to put it behind me and move on with my life and concentrate on better things.

Like Kyle. The two of us are getting together on Thursday! I am very excited for all of this and can't wait to see him. We talk every day and it's usually late because he works and I always fall asleep on him, but he doesn't seem to mind. Any time he gets to talk to me is good for him. And in talking to Jocelyn today I found something else about Kyle. No lie. This kid is my other half. The he also has the habit of getting into a relationship and pushing people away. He doesn't want to seem clingy and such and likes to be independent. He's also insecure himself. It's seriously me in male form! We are so perfect for each other. We really are. I hope something comes out with all of this because I can see myself with him and really want to be with him. I'm nervous as well since I haven't too much experience in this department but I am going to try my hardest to make it work,

~Dragon Eyes~

Me and Dee

Me, Mike and Kerri

Me and Alex

Me and Reeni

Me and Jeanette

Kristen, Dee and Me

Me and my roomies

Finally Home

Well I have officially moved out of Eastern and am currently sitting in my living room. I am exhausted from moving out everything, but somehow I managed to fit it all in my car. I couldn't see out of the back window or the right passenger side window, but I managed to get home. I took out the stuff I needed and put the rest of it into the storage area in Bristol. Now I get to sit and do nothing for a bit before I need to shower and go to dinner with everyone.

My birthday was great. All of my kids at school fed me cake and goodies and gave me hugs. They were all super upset to say goodbye and see me go, but they will see me again. I'm going back to see them paint on Friday and stuff. I am excited for a nice little break from all of it. It was sad to go, but it was a good experience and I might decide to teach somewhere down the road, but we will just have to see with all that. I cleaned and packed in the afternoon and evening and said goodbye to Keri and Jen. Eventually Reeni and Jeanette came back and we cleaned some more before getting ready. We went to the bar for a while and eventually Reeni and I went to Rachel's room in Laurel for a bit and I eventually went back to my room and went to sleep. I ran into Kerri earlier in the evening and said hi to her and also hung out with Alex for a little bit, but I wish it could have been more.

I also looked up prices for round trip airfare to Seattle. I am absolutely terrified of flying but if it means seeing Abby I will get on one (as long as Amanda is with me!!). If the two of us leave from Boston it's like $300 a person. So not bad at all. But who knows when we will go out there.

~Dragon Eyes~

OMG What is THAT???

Those were the exact words out of my mouth as I sat there cleaning out the fridge with Jeanette just now. There was stuff in there that we honestly have no idea what it was. All we know is that it was nasty as hell and that it needed to be thrown immediately. We believe most of the stuff that we threw away happened to be food that was Ginger. She buys so much food and then never eats any of it and it all dies a terrible death in the fridge. It's really nasty and unsanitary and since she isn't going to throw it out herself, Jeanette and I are left to do it, which isn't fair for either of us. I have done quite a bit of packing today. My parents came and took some of the stuff that I had so now my room is very empty and sad looking. I am pretty much set to go. All I have to do is throw some random odds and ends into bags and stuff and I should be able to get it all into my car and roll home Saturday morning by myself. Gives my parents a bit of a break. I am just so tired and ready to be done with it all.

Today was a good day at school. I observed another teacher for social studies. She reminded me of me actually and I really enjoyed being in her classroom. Made me realize that I do like teaching. This experience has just been stressful because I have no idea what I am doing. But now I do, sort of. It might take some work but I think I could do it. Who knows. But their aren't any jobs. So I am still going to become a personal fitness trainer. Gives me a job and money and I am so down with that.

By the way, I hate goodbyes. They truly are awful. I just am not good at goodbyes. They are just so very hard. I ended up saying goodbye to Amanda, Sam and Alex Renner today. I am really going to miss them so much. They have become some of my best friends this semester. I know we are all going to meet up again soon, but it's still hard to say goodbye after we have all been through so much together. The one person I didn't get to say goodbye to was Abby. That really made me upset because I haven't seen her in so long and I miss her with all my heart. I was actually contemplating sending her a text to see how she was when she sent me one. July 1st is when she is moving to Seattle with her husband Mike. Looks like me and Amanda are definitely going out there!! I have never been to Seattle before, or the west coast for that matter. I don't know how we are getting there, but I have a feeling it will be by plane. That might be problematic but if it means seeing Abby I will get on one. I hope when we are out there that I can see Mt. Rainer and Mt. St. Helens. I also want to go to California and swim in the Pacific Ocean. Those are my goals. If I'm on the west coast then those things must happen. But we will just have to see how things go.

Tomorrow is my last day of student teaching and my 22nd birthday. Celebrations will ensue in the evening and then Saturday morning is when I am packing up the rest of my stuff and getting out of here and going home. I am almost done with my college career. It's a scary thought, but it's a step that I need to take and that I believe I am ready to take. So here it goes!

~Dragon Eyes~

I Think My Head is Going to Explode

For some reason my allergies have been god awful today. Since the moment I woke up I had a headache, a sore throat and a stuffy/runny nose. By the end of the school day I felt as if my head was going to explode from the migraine I had developed. Right now I still feel awful. I seriously hate allergies. For some reason they have been so bad this year. I think it was because it got super warm out super fast and early and everything decided that it would be awesome to bloom now. Oh well. I guess I should just keep taking sudafed and hope for the best. It better be gone tomorrow, that's all I am saying.

I didn't get to bed early last night as planned. I ended up hanging out with Alex Renner and Sam until Reeni came back from watching Glee at 10pm. That's when I was like I am going to bed. So I was fixing up my lunch for tomorrow when I hear my phone ring from the other room. It's Alex Moura. He wanted me to help him study earlier and it never worked out. So he wanted to know if I could help him right then. So of course I say yes. I seriously haven't seen him or hung out with him in forever and I wasn't going to let this chance opportunity go by. Also I am a sucker for wanting to help everyone. So I trooped over to Laurel in the rain to try and help him. It would have been better if I had taken the class and if he had read the book. So that worked out super well, but I was hanging out with him so I wasn't too upset about the whole thing. I ended up getting a hold of my roomie Keri who was in the same class and they were supposed to go study together. I really wonder if that worked out. Oh well.

Jeanette and I went to the Manchester Mall today. She was looking for a dress for graduation and I was just looking for some cheap super clothes since I hate my wardrobe. We had a good time running around Forever 21 and the bookstore. I am so dangerous in bookstores. I bought even more books and I haven't even finished any off of my bookshelf. Oh well. I guess I better get on that this summer. That's going to be my goal. Read books and try not to buy new ones. We will have to see how well this works out. We had an awesome dinner at Bertucci's and eventually made it back here. I don't know what everyone is doing but I am going to bed soon. I am so tired and feel so crappy.

Two days left of student teaching!!! I am actually going to miss those kids...

~Dragon Eyes~

Shoutout

This is the video that a group of my students did for their class project. It came out really well and I am so proud of them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqn6A6KZO5E

~Dragon Eyes~

The Last Night of Duty

Tonight is my last night in Crandall for duty. I have spent four years in this building. One as a resident and three as a student worker. I have been through so many things in this building and look back at all the memories that I have here. So many memories when I was a resident running around with all my friends and having my crushes and late night trips to walmart. I remember all the good times that I had here as a student worker and all the pool I played in this building. This is where I first met Alex Moura. This is where I learned how to play pool like a pro and connected with everyone. It's where I had my first romances and shed my first tears of college. It's where I made and lost my first college friends. It was my very first job ever. It was also where I met Mike ans eventually fell in love with him. So many good time and bad time in that building. I am sad to be leaving and moving on to somewhere new in life, but at the same time it will be a clean slate. It just felt so weird handing in my key and walking out of those doors for the very last time. It was weirdly enough like losing a part of me. I know there will be many other good times down the road but I still am going to miss that building and everything that happened there. Those memories will last a lifetime.

Now that I am walking out into the world I face so much uncertainty. I currently don't have a paying job and don't know when I will ever find one. The market is so bad right now. I don't know what lies ahead of me and I find that one of the scariest things in the world. I am hoping I will be able to find something for a job and keep on going. That's all I can do. Everyone else before me seems to have made it. Why not me?

My friend Susie got engaged to her longtime boyfriend tonight. I am so happy for her because they have been together for a long time, but it leaves me wondering about myself. Where am I going in life? I am watching all of my friends get engaged or married and I look at my single self and wonder when that person is going to come along. I don't want to get married right away because I have my whole life a head of me, but I still wonder if there really is someone out there for me. Maybe Kyle is that person. I don't know. We are supposed to be going out on a date next Thursday down at the Milford mall for food and a movie. I am excited but also very nervous about the whole thing. We will just have to see what happens.

~Dragon Eyes~

NEPtHA Jubilee Pinto Show

Today was the pinto show up at Oneco, CT. I got up mad early and shipped myself out there to see my little sister ride Beau in the show. It was her first real big show ever and Beau's in a couple years. All in all it went really well even though Beau turned up lame right before the flat classes. Ali still won nine ribbons on him and was a very happy person for the whole experience. I think she is thinking of doing it again in July because now she knows what's going on and how everything works out.

Tomorrow I start my final week of student teaching and graduation is now less than a week away. I cannot even believe it! I just want this week to fly by so I can celebrate my birthday and then graduate and get the hell out of here.

~Dragon Eyes~

Drunken Debauchery

Yes. That was what last night was all about. One giant drunk mess. But an amazing drunken mess at that! I ended up going to the bar with both Jeanette and Reeni and met up with all sorts of people there last night including my most amazing gay friend Dan! I haven't seen him in so long! It was great to be able to catch up with everyone last night. I sent a lot of crazy texts to Kyle and such but he thought it was hysterically cute. I was very proud of myself that I didn't drunken text Mike. I usually do and somehow I managed to keep myself under control. Which is always good.

I found out today that my phone charger was dying. I was so excited that I didn't have to replace my phone and a charger is easy and cheap to replace. I am also excited because I can get a new phone in July!! I was hoping for the iphone to come out but the sales guy showed me the Droid Incredible. It was pretty much sold in 30 seconds. It's so much faster than the iphone. Now all I have to do is wait until July to get it.

Tomorrow is the Pinto show. I am going up there to see Ali compete with Beau. The GPS can't help me so I am on my own with crazy maps and directions, but I think I should be okay. We will find out tomorrow morning when I go up there. One more week left of school and then I graduate with my friends and move on to the next step of my life. What a scary thought!

~Dragon Eyes~

Wiffle Ball At 515am = Death

So at 515am I woke up and wondered why I was awake when I was positively exhausted and my alarm wasn't set to go off until 540am. Then I figured it out. A group of drunk ass guys (the same guys who do this sober in the daylight hours) figured it was awesome to play wiffle ball in the lowrise courtyard, which is right outside my window. It's bad enough they do it during the day and cause problems for people trying to walk to their rooms, but at 515am? That's far too much. If I didn't have to get up soon I would have called public safety and been like get them out before I find something to kill them with. Seriously, don't they understand that people are trying to sleep? I don't care if you don't have class in the morning, but I have school. But even though I got woken up, last night was lots of fun with people. I am so glad I decided to go out and get a few drinks.

Today was long and boring at school since I am no longer teaching. It's so weird to observe again after I have been so interactive. Oh well. It gives me time to catch up on creative writing. I am getting into again. I haven't written since last semester. It makes me very sad. Tonight I am going with some friends to a party at our professor's house to celebrate surviving student teaching. After that I am going out with Jeanette to Blarney's yet again. What the hell. I didn't really get that drunk yesterday, so I'll make up for it tonight. I even know what I am wearing too! Tomorrow I pack up a whole bunch of my stuff in my car and go home to ride and see my family. Eventually I will head back to school since I am going to meet Ali in Oneco for the Pinto show there. It's going to be a long day but I think it will be fun. I'll have to bring my camera and take lots of pictures.

~Dragon Eyes~

When I Die I Want to be Buried in a Buoy

Tonight was a good night. After sitting through a horribly long and boring graduation rehearsal I went out and had a good time at Blarney's with my bestie for her birthday. I am going to keep this short since I am exhausted and slightly drunk. School was good today. My kids behaved but that was because my teacher took over again. So I am just going to hang around again tomorrow and then go party again. Yay! I ran into some good friends tonight and was super happy about that as well as chatting with Kyle. He makes me very happy. Well I am off to bed now. And I will maybe text Kyle if I am still awake when he reaches home.

The title is in reference to Monet. He loved the sea and the water and wished to be buried in a buoy. Enough said.

~Dragon Eyes~

Do You Want To Talk About It?

"Never attack a drunk man with a gun."
~Robert Downy Jr.~

I just finished watching the movie Charlie Bartlet with Jeanette. It was a great movie! Neither of us had seen it before so we watched it tonight. Honestly, I believe everyone should watch this movie. It was incredible. When we first started it I wasn't so sure about it all, but by the end I was enthralled. I am mos def going to have to get it for my movie collection at some point.

Today was a good day. School went by decently fast. I ended up kicking a student out of one of my classes today. He wouldn't take out his ipod when I asked because he stated that he didn't have to listen to me. So I kicked him out and to the rest of my students' pleasure and shock, I called the proper authorities about it all. When I got off the phone my students gave me a round of applause and one of the girls stated that he was an asshole. I love how the rest of them were on my side with the whole thing and telling me that they learned a lot and that this kid didn't learn anything because he never pays attention. I was so proud of myself today. And tomorrow I co-teach with my teacher and then he takes back over. I am suddenly sad. I am going to miss it. Even though I said over and over again I wasn't I think I am. I am going to miss the kids, because they have just been great and they give me new stories every day and make my worst days seem okay somehow in the end. I don't know how they do it, but they keep me young and strong. I won't miss the insubordination though! I just can't believe this is it. It just seems unreal or something.

My mom got into her second car accident in six months today. Someone else ran into the back of her car because they didn't see her. This time she didn't get pushed into another car so her van suffered minimal damage. She called me while she was waiting for the officer to finish the police report. My poor mom. Her poor van is only five years old. And it has suffered so much. At least it wasn't bad. And now she will finally get her hatch readjusted from her previous accident. I guess good things come out of everything.

~Dragon Eyes~

My mom's car from her first accident in November. She got rear-ended and pushed into the car in front of her. The back wasn't bad, but the front was a mess. She was fine.

I Still Miss You

"I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I don't know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this"
~I Still Miss You - Keith Anderson~

This song popped on my ipod while I was at the gym and I froze as I listened to the lyrics and realized that every single one of them pertained to me right now with how I feel about Mike. Everyone tells me over and over again that I need to get over him and walk away, but it's so very hard. It really is like a door that never closes. No matter who I talk to and what I do I always feel like I drift back to him and long for him to be with me. But I will never cave in and initiate contact with him first. I won't do that to myself. It's not worth it at all. It's been six weeks now. Six long weeks of not talking to him. I wish I wasn't still longing for him and wishing he was sitting in my room with me and laughing. There are so many memories in this room. So many good memories. Playing 007 and swearing at each other while he blew me up. Listening to music. Comforting me with my back. Drinking together. Making out and just enjoying each others' company. So many memories that I wish I could still look at and smile.

I don't know why it is bothering me more today than any other day, but it is. I am glad I have friends around me to keep me standing strong when I feel like the whole world is going to fall down around my ears. Amanda and Abby will always be there for me as well as Jocelyn and all my friends back home. And Kyle. I know he is there for me as well, though he doesn't know about Mike and probably won't for a long time, if ever. I keep fighting on and hoping that one day I will be able to close the door on Mike and actually move on.

~Dragon Eyes~

Brain = Mush

I have just corrected three classes worth of Renaissance test packets and I feel like my soul has died. I still have two more classes to do but if I do any more tonight I might cry. It was just too much all at once and my brain went bye byes. Most of the packets were good, but it is just so monotonous. But other than that my day was decently good. I successfully completed my final observation of my student teaching career and I passed with flying colors. The kids in all my classes (except my first one but they are always bad) were amazingly good. I really am going to miss them when I leave (most of them anyways). My teacher is going to start taking over the end of this week and then I am pretty much set! I am so excited to be done with it all and graduate and move on to sleeping my summer away.

I saw Mike today. He didn't see me. I saw him walking back to Laurel while I was leaving Lowrise. It's the first time I have seen him in about 6 weeks now and that's also how long we haven't spoken to each other. I seriously have no idea what it is all about, but I am still hurt by the whole thing. Why? What did I do now? Why am I so easily cast aside? Even though I can't seem to let him I go, I look towards Kyle. I look at him and see all the things that Mike is not. Kyle does things that Mike would never think to do in a million years. The more I look at Mike the more things I find wrong with him and the more I look at Kyle the more I find things are right. I just have to give Mike up. But for some reason, no matter how hard I try or how many people tell me to let him go, I just can't seem to do so. I don't know what it is about that kid that has me wrapped so tightly around his finger.

I just have to finish out the rest of tonight's work and then I get to go to bed and sleep for a little bit before I go and do it all over again.

Congrats Abby, my love. I wish all the best for you and your new husband! :D

~Dragon Eyes~

Mother's Day

Today I went home early from school to spend the day with my mom who is seriously the most amazing person in the entire world. She has done so much for me for the last 21 years. She has probably done far too much for me, but honestly that's what makes her even more special to me. Without her things just wouldn't be the same. When I am at school I miss her more than you can possibly imagine. I won't be shy about it. I call my mom at least once a day to say hi and catch up on everything that has been going on here at home. I couldn't imagine not talking to her for weeks or even days at a time. We are so close. Going off to college four years ago for the first time was so hard because suddenly she wasn't there anymore and I was on my own for everything. I has definitely gotten better for me, but I still miss her like crazy and there are some days I miss her much more than others.



I also went to see my horse and rode him for the first time in two weeks. My antibiotics definitely did something because my sore throat went away after two weeks of dealing with it. Riding him was awesome. I miss him just as much as my mom and wish I could spend more time with him. Once I graduate than things will get easier and I will be with him a lot more. But it was nice to spend some time with him. I even got to try out my early birthday gift from Dad and Ali. They got me a new bit since I have been using my sister's and she was going crazy and wanted it back. So now I've got my own!

I haven't chatted with Kyle yet today, but we did a lot of talking yesterday and such. I really like talking to him and stuff and can't wait to see him again. I have a feeling something might come out of all of this and I think I am ready to take the next step with him. I am nervous. I am nervous that I will mess things up or that once we are in a relationship then things will fall apart. I don't know. I am always nervous but I know that if I don't take the step I will be alone forever. I just hope I can do it.

Only two weeks left of school and student teaching! I am almost done! I cannot believe that I have made it and that I am graduating. Wow. I did it in four years. Amazing.

~Dragon Eyes~

Why Do I Feel Like This is Tearing Us Apart?

So far this weekend has been all sorts of interesting. There's been a lot of good things that have come out of this weekend, but there have also been some other things that haven't been so great. I am confused at the moment. I am not sure how to put some of it down into this blog but I am going to do my best to get it out and off of my chest. I'll start with last night and work my way until now where I find myself sitting at work feeling once again caged by my own mind.

Last night was a good night. I ended up going to get ice cream with my mom and my sister before I cam back to campus and started packing up some of my stuff. I am taking a lot of stuff home tomorrow. My room is starting to look a little emptier and I find it kind of sad to think that I will be moving out and graduating. It's so weird to me. Eventually I wandered over to Amanda's room to hang out with her like we had promised. Abby had gone home because of work in the morning so it was just the two of us. We made some tea and popped in the Beatles's Help to watch. It's an amazing movie. Amanda had never seen it before and absolutely loved it. How can you go wrong with the Beatles? After that we flipped on the television and found Monster Quest on the History Channel. It was all about giant killer fish and giant killer snakes. It was amazing and terrifying all at the same time. Remind me not to go swimming in the Amazon or exploring in the Everglades! Through all of this I was texting Kyle. We seriously did this all night. He is such a sweetheart and makes me feel safe and comfortable. Both of us are impatient to see each other again and he gets such a kick out of making me blush and stuff. I am very excited to see where all of this is going. While I was texting Kyle, Sam was texting Amanda. Apparently Andrew was on campus because they had found him and were trying to get him to come to Amanda's room. Well he wanted no part of that, even when we explained that I wasn't going to be a threat and didn't want to cause trouble. Nope. Still wouldn't come so we gave up on him. I eventually went back to my room and went to bed. Amanda, Brian and I were going to see Iron Man 2 in the morning!

So I woke up and was excited for Iron Man 2 and the fact that for the first time in 2 weeks I didn't have a sore throat! It was amazing to be able to swallow without pain! I got myself ready and wandered over to Amanda's. I knocked on the door and Brian answered it. I wandered in and discovered to my surprise that Andrew was there on Abby's bed and boy did he look thrilled to see me! I've never seen anyone look so miserably uncomfortable. It was actually pretty darn amusing. We were only there for about 30 seconds before we left for the movies. Sam was also going with us to see it. We left Andrew to sulk by himself in Amanda's room. Oh well. His loss not ours.

The movie was amazing! I was so excited to actually be able to see a new movie in theaters like this! The four of us had a good time and then decided to grab some food at Applebee's. While we were there Sam shot Andrew a message saying we were going to grab some food. He then asked if I was going back to my room when we got back or was coming to Amanda's room. Sam told him he wasn't sure but he thought we might be coming back to watch movies. Well Andrew was like I'll leave because I don't want to be in that hell and stuff. I told Sam to tell him it wasn't going to be a problem and that we would be fine in the same room, but apparently that didn't work since he was gone when we got back. That was fine. We watched Mulan and had a better time without him. Who wants a Mr. Sour Puss around? Eventually Sam wandered off to hang with Alex Renner and me and Amanda just chilled and chatted until I had to wander off here to work. Abby would have come back early in the afternoon but her car died so we probably won't see her until either Sunday or Monday.

Okay, so here is what I need to get off of my chest. This whole thing with Andrew. For some reason I feel as if this is tearing all of us apart. I don't know how to describe this feeling. It's weird. It's almost like I am being ostracized from my friends because of him. It's like I am an object of evil or something and that everywhere I go I am destroying things. I feel like everything I tough falls apart. I feel that same way with this. I love hanging with Amanda, Abby, Sam and Alex but I feel like this whole thing with Andrew is pulling them farther away from me. Not Amanda so much. We had a good time today and yesterday and she keeps telling me everything will be okay and that she won't give up on me. But I don't know about the others. I don't know what they think when they look at me. Do they think I am someone who is out to wreck everyone and everything? Am I someone who is not worthy to be around? Is it a relief to them when I am not around? I don't know the answers to these questions. I hope they don't think this, but I could be wrong.

I just feel like Andrew is trying to turn them all against me. Trying to get them to side with him and push me away. I know he is pissed about how everything went down, but I am not the only one at fault here. I am sorry how things ended but life isn't always fair. I don't know what is going on with him tonight but I have a feeling I will see him tomorrow. I still have his Sims 2 disk and I am going to give it back to him. I am going to go over there tomorrow before I go home for Mother's Day and hand it to him. Look him in the face and give him the disk. If he won't take it then too bad. I'll toss it. What do I care? His loss, not mine. I just feel like this whole thing is tearing us apart. I hope we can overcome all of this. I don't want to lose my friends over a stupid jerk who is too immature to face his problems in life.

~Dragon Eyes~

Doing Make-up in Class is Not Sanitary

I am beyond angry and annoyed right now. My day was going amazing until about 11am. That's when everything went down the tubes and my day ended badly. I taught my first two classes and everything went decently well. The kids are really good for in those classes and try really hard and such. My teacher wasn't there again today and this time they actually gave me a sub. I am glad they did. I was glad for the company and the help here and there with everything. It made things a little easier. Things went well until we go to the third block of the day which is my portfolio period. The kids pretty much have a study hall for an hour and half. They are all my students and there is like fourteen or fifteen of them so it's not too bad. Unfortunately they like to goof off big time and my teacher is always yelling at them to get to work and knock things off. Well they try and get away with more with me. On Wednesday the guys in the class were dismantling each others backpacks. We had a conversation today and they were okay with everything and did work and worked well. I was rather proud of them. Two of the other girls in the class were busy playing a board game. They are real good students and I never have a problem with them. The other four girls in the class are the problem and they caused far too many issues with me today.

I told them at the beginning of the class that they needed to work on stuff and not goof off all class. They were like okay and started. Well, this is where things got kind of crazy. Every class without fail, this girl always shows up and sits with the four of them and goofs off and distracts them big time. It's annoying and I am through with it. In talking to the work study student that is in the class, the girl is the sister of one of the girls in the back of the room. She is a senior and has no class during this time and thinks it's okay to come sit in the back of the room. Oh yeah. That's not going to fly. I decided that if they were goofing off too much I would go back there and send the girl on her way. Well, that happened sooner than I thought. I looked over and all five girls were sitting there doing their make-up. Now my teacher doesn't allow this and I know how unsanitary it is to do that in the classroom as well. So that's when I got up and went over to put an end to it. Oh that went beautifully.

I told the girls to put the make-up away. It was scattered across the desk and this new girl seriously had fifty pounds of make-up. I have seriously never seen so much make-up in on person's bag before. I told them to put it away because it wasn't sanitary and not something to be done in class. I got such a fearsome argument from them all. They were trying to explain their way out of the situation and talking back and everything. When the girl that's not supposed to be there piped up I was done. I pretty much told her that this wasn't her class and that she was being a distraction and needed her to leave. Well that got them all even more riled up and such. Especially one of the girls who was telling me she wasn't putting make-up on as she was putting it on in front of my face. Real smart. Eventually I got them to put it all away and the other girl finally left. As she was leaving the girls called loudly to her that they were sorry she got kicked out and such. I honestly could care less. Too bad. She doesn't belong here and that's that. Goodbye.

While all this went on, my work study student had slipped out to do something and one of the girls started mouthing off about why she was in the class because she doesn't do anything. The work study student is assigned to be in the class. This is where she is supposed to be. End of story. The other girl was not. Too bad. I don't care. And honestly the work study student is a straight A student, a senior and going to Southern for collage in the fall. She's mature. The other girls are no where close. For the rest of the time, the four girls were extremely pissed off me. I don't care. I am the teacher and I am in charge. Deal with it. They need to get over it and learn the world doesn't revolve around them and never will. It just drove me nuts. My teacher is hearing about this one. And that girl will not be in the class as long as I am there. She doesn't belong and that's that.

I am just glad it's the weekend. I am supposed to be hanging out with Amanda tonight and stuff and then hopefully going to Battleship cove to see the ships again. I can't wait! I also am wondering if I am going to be seeing Andrew tonight. That will be interesting if that happens. I will just have to wait and see.

One a happier note, Kyle has come back from his cruise and we are working on finding a time to get together and hang out. I really have a feeling something is going to come about with us and right now I am really hoping so. I really want to be with him. He makes me laugh and smile and feel good about myself. There is just something about him. It's like he is my other half. I will just have to wait and see what goes.

~Dragon Eyes~

Is Napoleon Hot?

"I guess God gave us children so death won't be such a disappointment."
~Two and a Half Men~

I love two and a half men. The show is hysterical. I just wish I was feeling better to be able to enjoy it more. I thought my illness was on its way out, but I guess it decided otherwise. I put in my prescription for my antibiotics today and I am picking them up tomorrow and hopefully they will help put this thing in its place. I am just so tired. I don't think I have ever been this tired. I go to bed early and all the sleep I get does nothing. I feel even more tired. I can barely stay awake doing anything anymore. I am struggling to make it through school every single day. I can barely keep my eyes open when driving which really sucks. I ended up taking a nap today against my better judgment and woke up feeling worse than ever before. My throat is getting worse again and my cough is driving me up the wall. I am so tired of feeling tired and crappy all the time.

My teacher was absent from school again and they weren't able to get a sub to be with me, so I was completely and utterly on my own. The sub from the class before mine had nothing to do for my first class and ended up helping me out. Those kids were so bad today. I swear, the intelligence level in that class seems to drop every time I teach. We were talking about Napoleon and one of my students asks me if he was hot. Yeah. That's what I deal with. At least my other two classes were really good for me. I was super glad for that. Especially my G Block kids. They have given me lots of problems and today they were complete and utter angels for me. I was so happy for all of that. I just have to make it through tomorrow and things should get better. We will see if my teacher makes it tomorrow. I have my doubts, but who knows.

This weekend will hopefully be a fun one. Tomorrow I am supposed to be hanging out with Amanda and potentially Abby but I don't know if she is going home or not, but I will be over there and Andrew is coming up this time. Or at least he says he is. This time I will be not be chased off. He is going to have to confront me at some point. I am willing to be be civil and keep things on an even keel. But as I told my therapist, if he provokes me, he is getting it right back in the face. I am hoping things don't come to that. I don't want any of that. I want things to be okay. I am nervous about it all but Amanda tells me it will probably just be awkward and that they will all make sure things stay safe and okay. I am hoping things go well. It will definitely be interesting but I have to do it.

Battleship Cove is this Saturday! I am super excited. I went once before with the history club and absolutely loved it! Unfortunately Abby has to work and she won't be able to go. It won't be the same without her. But we will have a good time. It will just be a fun time with friends and I am excited because the end of school is coming and I want to spend as much time with my friends as possible. It's all I can do. I know that I will still see them over the summer and stuff but it won't be the same next year. We are all going our separate ways but since we are friends we will always find each other again.

~Dragon Eyes~

Cinco De Mayo

I didn't realize it was Cinco de Mayo today until I came home from school and saw a huge house party going on and drunk people at 3pm wearing sombreros. Yup. That's how I found out. Sadly I have to still teach in the morning and can't join in on the fun. I would have gone to the bar tonight and gotten drunk and such but that's just me. Instead I settled for the next best thing. I went to Main Street Brewery with my roommate Jeanette to have food and alcohol. I am a little tipsy now thanks to the margarita and the chocolate martini. I drink in style. I still feel rather tipsy at the moment as I am writing this, but I am doing the best I possible can. After having a sub and my kids being semi wild I decided the drink was necessary.

I am supposed to be going to Battleship Cove with Abby and Amanda and a few other people this Saturday. I have been there before and it was so much fun so I am super excited to be going again with them! I hope everything works out for the best and such. I heard a rumor that Andrew might be coming up this weekend because he didn't last weekend when he said he was. This time I am not backing down and going home. There is no way. If he wants to come up he is going to have to face me. End of story.

I should finish lesson planning. I feel really good right now but also sleepy. I really need sleep tonight. I won't make it tomorrow without sleep. I also think I am filling my antibiotics prescription tomorrow. This isn't getting any better and it makes me very sad. I hate being sick like this.

~Dragon Eyes~

One of Those Hard Days

"And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible..."
~Shontelle - Impossible~

Some days are just harder than others. Today was one of those. From the moment I got up I knew it was going to be a long day; one that was going to try my patience. My kids at school could honestly have cared less about learning today. They did everything in their power to do nothing. It was like a game of tug o' war. No matter how much I pulled in one direction they would pull harder in the opposite one. It didn't help that I still didn't feel good. Last night I thought my sore throat was finally on its way out, but this morning proved to be a different story. My sore throat had come back with an angry vengeance and this time the pain had placed itself on the left side of my throat. That's when I began to worry and wonder whether this really was tonsillitis. That's the last thing I need to deal with. At least I had an appointment scheduled for today at 3:20pm.

The appointment went well. I was told I didn't have mono or tonsillitis which is good, but then what do I have? We aren't quite sure. We think this is just a vicious cold/virus that is being a pain in the butt and ravaging my immune system and causing me to try and hack up a lung or two. So after some talking and looking at my throat and stuff, I was giving a bunch of things and sent on my way. I was told to take suedafed (the behind the counter stuff) to try and clear up the congestion in my head. I was also given these little tiny yellow pills called benzonatate. They are supposed to help with excessive coughing and stuff. The doctor told me that they work for some people and not for others but it was worth a try to get my airways to open up a bit. He also wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic. If my symptoms don't improve by Thursday then I should get it filled and take those to try and clear up the mess I have. So I have a bunch of stuff and we will see what goes with all of this. Frankly I am so tired of coughing and being unable to sleep at night.

I have finished everything that I need for tomorrow, so I find myself unsure as to what to do for the rest of the night. I think I might take a shower and either read or knit. That sounds like a plan unless someone else decides they want to do something with me. I am open to anything really.

For some reason, now that I sit here and type this, I find myself suddenly missing contact from Mike. I know that it is stupid and crazy for me to think about him after everything he has done and continues to do, but there is part of me that just can't seem to let him go. It has been five weeks since he has last talked to me. Five weeks. This is the longest we have gone without talking ever. I wonder what that means. Does this mean our friendship is over? I don't know. I hate myself for missing him. Absolutely hate it, but I can't seem to get rid of the feeling. It just won't shake loose. I just honestly wish I had never met him.

~Dragon Eyes~

It's 7:30pm...I'm Late For School!...Wait...

I have successfully made it to work after one of the most interesting things ever. I have seriously never had this happen to me before and I am still a little squiffy over it all. But I will start at the beginning so you guys can figure out the whole thing.

I went to school today and managed to teach my two classes still feeling like crap and managed to make it through the day. Today my throat felt all swollen on the outside, and it still does actually. I think the glands are swollen but I could be wrong. They just feel really funny for me to touch or something. I don't like it. I made it through the day somehow and came back here to school. I went to the health service people and got an appointment for tomorrow then went back to my room, set my phone's alarm for 5:30pm (I double checked it multiple times to make sure), rolled into bed to take an hour nap.

The next thing I know, my phone is ringing. It's Bethany. I pick it up and answer and get nothing. I think nothing of it and look at the time on my phone. It says 7:30pm. I'm staring at it with a blank expression for a few minutes. 7:30pm. Why did my phone change my AMs and PMs around? Oh no! I'm late for school! Wait... ::looks at text messages on phone:: CRAP! I'm late for work!!!!! That's when I send Bethany back a message apologizing profusely, grabbed by shit together, threw on clothes since I was sleeping in my underwear, grabbed food out of my fridge and bolted out the door and practically ran across campus. Out of the three years I have had my job, I have never done something like that. It was so weird. My brain is still all sorts of messed up because it has no idea what just happened. I knew taking that nap was a bad idea. Oh well. I guess I really needed to sleep. My only guess in the whole thing is that my alarm went off at the right time and I never heard it and it eventually turned off. My phone was set on high. I have trained myself to respond to my phone. I set my phone on low every night and I wake up to it instantly. It was set on high tonight and I never heard it go off. There is something seriously wrong with me.

My students all think I have mono. It is going around our school but I am hoping that that is not the case. I really don't need mono right now. But then again it would explain why I just feel so dead and sleepy all the time. My mom doesn't think so, but we will see what goes at health services tomorrow.

I have been chatting with Kyle a whole bunch today as well. He is currently off doing stuff but the reason he stopped texting me last night was because his phone died and he doesn't remember parts of the night. Ah, those wild party nights. I find myself missing him more and more and wishing he was here. Last night that was all I wanted. I even told him that. I wished he was there with me while I tried to sleep and tried not to hack up a lung. I am still unsure about everything, and my mind still wanders back to Mike, but I look forward to hearing from Kyle and talking to him and hanging out with him. Over time I am sure I won't think about Mike at all, but right now he is still a constant thought in the back of my mind. Teasing me.

Well, I guess I have to figure out something to do with myself for the rest of the night. I brought a book. I would creatively write but I don't think my brain is working well for all of that. I guess I will just read and maybe watch a movie or catch up on Sober House. We will also see if I'll be able to sleep tonight at all. I am hoping after my shower and making my lunch that I will just pass out. That's my hope anyways!

~Dragon Eyes~

Smitten

That's right. I think I am smitten by a certain guy. Everything he does makes me smile and laugh and he has never been anything but sweet. I think Kyle might be stealing my heart. He texted me today from his cruise. He got service in Peurto Rico and was able to send me back a message. We chatted a lot with each other tonight and he is currently drinking and partying it up down there in the hot weather. There is just something about him. I'm not sure what it is, but there's something. I never thought I would go with someone like him, but then life surprises us sometimes. I really can't wait for him to get back and me to finish with school so we can get together. I really hope I will feel better by then, because I feel like poop and it's really starting to wear on me.

Tonight was a good night hanging out with Jocelyn as well as Christian, Amber and Brian. The five of us just had a really good time and there wasn't any drama or anything. That's always good when there is no drama. Jocelyn loved her gift and we got to play with our yarn and knitting and crocheting and such. I am just glad it was a great day. It's still humid as hell outside and I am really hoping for some rain. Tomorrow is back to school. I sort of know what I am doing tomorrow. We will see what I can come up with seeing as I've been lazy and ill this week.

~Dragon Eyes~

Beautiful Days for Birthdays

It is a beautiful spring day. It's warm out and a little overcast, but nonetheless a beautiful day. It is also my best friend Jocelyn's 22nd birthday today. I can't wait to see her and hang out with her on her special day. I really hope she likes the gift I got her. I think she will. All I know is I wish I felt better. Right now I am still struggling to keep going. My cough seems to have gotten worse and I can barely swallow. Swallowing for me is like trying to swallow a mouthful of very sharp and pointy nails. Not a pleasant experience to tell you the truth. I am hoping this will get better and go away, but I have had this since last Monday. One week tomorrow. I really do think there is something wrong with me. It's not strep since I got tested for that on Wednesday. I am thinking that it has something to do with my tonsils. Great...

Last night I struggled through work. It was a long night. Especially when I left my laptop power cord at home. I had limited use of it, but I managed to watch a movie. I watched Heavyweights with my old roommate Shrutika as well as a couple residents while I knitted my scarf that I had to start over because I dropped all the stitches off the needle and couldn't recover them. Brian Lloyd came by later and chatted with me and kept me entertained. Only the two of us would have a conversation including as many song titles from Flyleaf, Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, Thousand Food Krutch and The Used. Yes. We are very dorky.

I also realized something interesting in the last few days. I realized just how much I miss Kyle. I don't know what it is, but part of me misses him and wishes he was here for me to talk to. I hope he is having a good time on his cruise. I can't wait for him to come back.

~Dragon Eyes~