The Last Night of Duty

Tonight is my last night in Crandall for duty. I have spent four years in this building. One as a resident and three as a student worker. I have been through so many things in this building and look back at all the memories that I have here. So many memories when I was a resident running around with all my friends and having my crushes and late night trips to walmart. I remember all the good times that I had here as a student worker and all the pool I played in this building. This is where I first met Alex Moura. This is where I learned how to play pool like a pro and connected with everyone. It's where I had my first romances and shed my first tears of college. It's where I made and lost my first college friends. It was my very first job ever. It was also where I met Mike ans eventually fell in love with him. So many good time and bad time in that building. I am sad to be leaving and moving on to somewhere new in life, but at the same time it will be a clean slate. It just felt so weird handing in my key and walking out of those doors for the very last time. It was weirdly enough like losing a part of me. I know there will be many other good times down the road but I still am going to miss that building and everything that happened there. Those memories will last a lifetime.

Now that I am walking out into the world I face so much uncertainty. I currently don't have a paying job and don't know when I will ever find one. The market is so bad right now. I don't know what lies ahead of me and I find that one of the scariest things in the world. I am hoping I will be able to find something for a job and keep on going. That's all I can do. Everyone else before me seems to have made it. Why not me?

My friend Susie got engaged to her longtime boyfriend tonight. I am so happy for her because they have been together for a long time, but it leaves me wondering about myself. Where am I going in life? I am watching all of my friends get engaged or married and I look at my single self and wonder when that person is going to come along. I don't want to get married right away because I have my whole life a head of me, but I still wonder if there really is someone out there for me. Maybe Kyle is that person. I don't know. We are supposed to be going out on a date next Thursday down at the Milford mall for food and a movie. I am excited but also very nervous about the whole thing. We will just have to see what happens.

~Dragon Eyes~