Why Do I Feel Like This is Tearing Us Apart?

So far this weekend has been all sorts of interesting. There's been a lot of good things that have come out of this weekend, but there have also been some other things that haven't been so great. I am confused at the moment. I am not sure how to put some of it down into this blog but I am going to do my best to get it out and off of my chest. I'll start with last night and work my way until now where I find myself sitting at work feeling once again caged by my own mind.

Last night was a good night. I ended up going to get ice cream with my mom and my sister before I cam back to campus and started packing up some of my stuff. I am taking a lot of stuff home tomorrow. My room is starting to look a little emptier and I find it kind of sad to think that I will be moving out and graduating. It's so weird to me. Eventually I wandered over to Amanda's room to hang out with her like we had promised. Abby had gone home because of work in the morning so it was just the two of us. We made some tea and popped in the Beatles's Help to watch. It's an amazing movie. Amanda had never seen it before and absolutely loved it. How can you go wrong with the Beatles? After that we flipped on the television and found Monster Quest on the History Channel. It was all about giant killer fish and giant killer snakes. It was amazing and terrifying all at the same time. Remind me not to go swimming in the Amazon or exploring in the Everglades! Through all of this I was texting Kyle. We seriously did this all night. He is such a sweetheart and makes me feel safe and comfortable. Both of us are impatient to see each other again and he gets such a kick out of making me blush and stuff. I am very excited to see where all of this is going. While I was texting Kyle, Sam was texting Amanda. Apparently Andrew was on campus because they had found him and were trying to get him to come to Amanda's room. Well he wanted no part of that, even when we explained that I wasn't going to be a threat and didn't want to cause trouble. Nope. Still wouldn't come so we gave up on him. I eventually went back to my room and went to bed. Amanda, Brian and I were going to see Iron Man 2 in the morning!

So I woke up and was excited for Iron Man 2 and the fact that for the first time in 2 weeks I didn't have a sore throat! It was amazing to be able to swallow without pain! I got myself ready and wandered over to Amanda's. I knocked on the door and Brian answered it. I wandered in and discovered to my surprise that Andrew was there on Abby's bed and boy did he look thrilled to see me! I've never seen anyone look so miserably uncomfortable. It was actually pretty darn amusing. We were only there for about 30 seconds before we left for the movies. Sam was also going with us to see it. We left Andrew to sulk by himself in Amanda's room. Oh well. His loss not ours.

The movie was amazing! I was so excited to actually be able to see a new movie in theaters like this! The four of us had a good time and then decided to grab some food at Applebee's. While we were there Sam shot Andrew a message saying we were going to grab some food. He then asked if I was going back to my room when we got back or was coming to Amanda's room. Sam told him he wasn't sure but he thought we might be coming back to watch movies. Well Andrew was like I'll leave because I don't want to be in that hell and stuff. I told Sam to tell him it wasn't going to be a problem and that we would be fine in the same room, but apparently that didn't work since he was gone when we got back. That was fine. We watched Mulan and had a better time without him. Who wants a Mr. Sour Puss around? Eventually Sam wandered off to hang with Alex Renner and me and Amanda just chilled and chatted until I had to wander off here to work. Abby would have come back early in the afternoon but her car died so we probably won't see her until either Sunday or Monday.

Okay, so here is what I need to get off of my chest. This whole thing with Andrew. For some reason I feel as if this is tearing all of us apart. I don't know how to describe this feeling. It's weird. It's almost like I am being ostracized from my friends because of him. It's like I am an object of evil or something and that everywhere I go I am destroying things. I feel like everything I tough falls apart. I feel that same way with this. I love hanging with Amanda, Abby, Sam and Alex but I feel like this whole thing with Andrew is pulling them farther away from me. Not Amanda so much. We had a good time today and yesterday and she keeps telling me everything will be okay and that she won't give up on me. But I don't know about the others. I don't know what they think when they look at me. Do they think I am someone who is out to wreck everyone and everything? Am I someone who is not worthy to be around? Is it a relief to them when I am not around? I don't know the answers to these questions. I hope they don't think this, but I could be wrong.

I just feel like Andrew is trying to turn them all against me. Trying to get them to side with him and push me away. I know he is pissed about how everything went down, but I am not the only one at fault here. I am sorry how things ended but life isn't always fair. I don't know what is going on with him tonight but I have a feeling I will see him tomorrow. I still have his Sims 2 disk and I am going to give it back to him. I am going to go over there tomorrow before I go home for Mother's Day and hand it to him. Look him in the face and give him the disk. If he won't take it then too bad. I'll toss it. What do I care? His loss, not mine. I just feel like this whole thing is tearing us apart. I hope we can overcome all of this. I don't want to lose my friends over a stupid jerk who is too immature to face his problems in life.

~Dragon Eyes~