I Still Miss You

"I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I don't know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
no I don't know how to do this"
~I Still Miss You - Keith Anderson~

This song popped on my ipod while I was at the gym and I froze as I listened to the lyrics and realized that every single one of them pertained to me right now with how I feel about Mike. Everyone tells me over and over again that I need to get over him and walk away, but it's so very hard. It really is like a door that never closes. No matter who I talk to and what I do I always feel like I drift back to him and long for him to be with me. But I will never cave in and initiate contact with him first. I won't do that to myself. It's not worth it at all. It's been six weeks now. Six long weeks of not talking to him. I wish I wasn't still longing for him and wishing he was sitting in my room with me and laughing. There are so many memories in this room. So many good memories. Playing 007 and swearing at each other while he blew me up. Listening to music. Comforting me with my back. Drinking together. Making out and just enjoying each others' company. So many memories that I wish I could still look at and smile.

I don't know why it is bothering me more today than any other day, but it is. I am glad I have friends around me to keep me standing strong when I feel like the whole world is going to fall down around my ears. Amanda and Abby will always be there for me as well as Jocelyn and all my friends back home. And Kyle. I know he is there for me as well, though he doesn't know about Mike and probably won't for a long time, if ever. I keep fighting on and hoping that one day I will be able to close the door on Mike and actually move on.

~Dragon Eyes~