One of Those Hard Days

"And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible..."
~Shontelle - Impossible~

Some days are just harder than others. Today was one of those. From the moment I got up I knew it was going to be a long day; one that was going to try my patience. My kids at school could honestly have cared less about learning today. They did everything in their power to do nothing. It was like a game of tug o' war. No matter how much I pulled in one direction they would pull harder in the opposite one. It didn't help that I still didn't feel good. Last night I thought my sore throat was finally on its way out, but this morning proved to be a different story. My sore throat had come back with an angry vengeance and this time the pain had placed itself on the left side of my throat. That's when I began to worry and wonder whether this really was tonsillitis. That's the last thing I need to deal with. At least I had an appointment scheduled for today at 3:20pm.

The appointment went well. I was told I didn't have mono or tonsillitis which is good, but then what do I have? We aren't quite sure. We think this is just a vicious cold/virus that is being a pain in the butt and ravaging my immune system and causing me to try and hack up a lung or two. So after some talking and looking at my throat and stuff, I was giving a bunch of things and sent on my way. I was told to take suedafed (the behind the counter stuff) to try and clear up the congestion in my head. I was also given these little tiny yellow pills called benzonatate. They are supposed to help with excessive coughing and stuff. The doctor told me that they work for some people and not for others but it was worth a try to get my airways to open up a bit. He also wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic. If my symptoms don't improve by Thursday then I should get it filled and take those to try and clear up the mess I have. So I have a bunch of stuff and we will see what goes with all of this. Frankly I am so tired of coughing and being unable to sleep at night.

I have finished everything that I need for tomorrow, so I find myself unsure as to what to do for the rest of the night. I think I might take a shower and either read or knit. That sounds like a plan unless someone else decides they want to do something with me. I am open to anything really.

For some reason, now that I sit here and type this, I find myself suddenly missing contact from Mike. I know that it is stupid and crazy for me to think about him after everything he has done and continues to do, but there is part of me that just can't seem to let him go. It has been five weeks since he has last talked to me. Five weeks. This is the longest we have gone without talking ever. I wonder what that means. Does this mean our friendship is over? I don't know. I hate myself for missing him. Absolutely hate it, but I can't seem to get rid of the feeling. It just won't shake loose. I just honestly wish I had never met him.

~Dragon Eyes~