Indifference

Yes, I am aware I am blogging really late or really early. Yes, I'm okay with this. Even though it is late I felt the strange need to write. This evening I actually went to Milford and met up with the usual group of usual suspects. Instead of going to Buffalo Wild Wings we ended up at TGI Friday's since Michelle's birthday was the next day and she chose where we ate. That was fine. As usually we had a good time. Afterwards I ended going back to Kyle's house where the two of us, well, fooled around. Now I'm not blogging to share that I had a great time. It's the after part that I am now going to discuss.

How did I feel about all this? I loved it. I had an enjoyable time and was very happy with the way the evening progressed. How did I feel after I said goodbye and drove home? Indifference. This is what startled me. Kyle and I had dated for a few months last year. We know each other pretty well. I was upset things had ended, but as with all things, I moved on and, well, okay, I was hurt but it was like ripping a bandaid off. It was over with and I moved on. Sure, I was jealous and angry at him for the whole Carly thing, but that was understandable about how the whole thing happened.

But why the indifference? I don't understand. Shouldn't I be excited that a boy I really care about is once again interested in me? Or is this one more attempt at me to close off my heart to yet another person? I can pretty much narrow it down to the fact that Kyle and I were together and are no longer for a reason and that a large part of me can't trust him not to do it again to me. Or I am suddenly becoming one of those people that gets satisfied and moves on, like a one night stand? The feeling of indifference bothers me. It shouldn't be there. There should be one definite feeling or another, not this, well okay that was nice, on to the next.

Conclusion: I really do have problems....

~Dragon Eyes~