Bravery

Bravery is one of those things that comes to people when they least expect it. It creeps in the shadows, waiting and watching until the moment is right. Then it strikes. It comes for the people who need it most; the people who feel as if all hope is lost and that they can't take another step. Bravery lets us dream upon a star or keep holding on. It allows us to take risks and take chances that under normal situations we wouldn't make because we were too scared to try. Bravery makes us take that one finally step; the one we never thought we could take.

Look forward. Look at the good in life and the fun times that you will face along your journey. Looking forward is hard. The future is unknown. It's a mystery and that's what holds people back. Looking back is easy. The past is written and the past cannot be undone. That is unless you have a time machine. Then you could go back and change things. But unfortunately time machines are a thing of the movies and we can't go back and change things. We can't change the mistakes that we made. We just have to move on and keep going and hope for the best. It's hard. Believe me it's hard. The past is a hard thing to forget.

I live with it every day. Most of the things I see and do remind me of the last guy I really truly liked. We were never officially together, but we had a history of being on and off. He would say he liked me and then he would take it back. Over and over again. I don't like to cry. It makes me feel weak and defenseless. That boy made me cry more than any other boy ever could and probably ever will. There was just something about him that made me keep on coming back even though I kept telling myself over and over again that I was done with him. Right before winter break the two of us became really close. We made out and such and I felt as if this was finally turning into something. Winter break came and went and when we met up again, it wasn't the same. There was no making out, no connection. It was as if I had known him and then suddenly didn't anymore. It was the worst hurt ever. I felt as if my heart had shattered. But that was what suddenly made me see that I was through. That I had been hurt for the last time and that this time I was not going to be walking back through that door for more. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to, but it was the right decision. That time when I left his room I knew that if I came back, i would be coming back a different person. I would not be that girl left pining over this person. I would come back a friend and only a friend. I haven't been back. I have talked to him on AIM only sporadically. It's part of the process; part of the healing.

I am afraid with this new boy in my life. I really am. We are not official but I'm sure that will happen at some point. I am afraid of being hurt again. I am afraid to open myself up to him and let someone else in. It will be hard, but I am going to take it slow and see where it all leads me. Who knows? I may surprise myself!

~Dragon Eyes~