Valentine's Day Weekend

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."
~Morrie Schwartz~

Love is one of those things that comes at you from out of nowhere. You never see it coming until it is too late for you to do anything about it. It sneaks up on you and takes you by surprise. It also comes when you least expect it. That is what happened to me this weekend.

Usually I try to avoid Valentine's Day like the plague. The holiday has never held anything for me. There was never a special someone in my life that warranted me doing anything but eating manly food such as cheeseburgers and watching hard core action movies that usually have Bruce Willis. That is what I do and I do it every year without fail. Until this year. This year there was a guy who wanted to spend it with me. He came up to school on Saturday, bringing me roses and a very corny and adorable card. Sunday he took me out to dinner. And this morning he asked me out.

It still feels surreal. I feel like I am going to wake up in the morning and it's all going to be just a dream. I'm still afraid. I know he would never do anything to hurt me. He told me so over and over again and has been hurt enough times that he knows how it feels. It took a lot for me to say yes and to take a chance. A leap of faith. I don't believe in faith and god so it's hard to take that leap. I can't see where I'm going and the unknown terrifies me beyond belief.

I am afraid to mess up and disappoint. I am afraid to let love in. The last boy I was with hurt me deeply and completely. He hurt me enough for me to never want to open myself up again and let anyone else have a chance. What if that person does it to me again? How much more can I possible go through? The good thing is that he understands and respects me. He will go slow for me and let me be comfortable. I am still a mystery to him. He wants to figure me out and I know that it will take a long time, if ever, for that to happen. I am hoping going back to therapy will help me understand myself and everything else. I also know I have my two best friends with me every step of the way. They were the ones who told me to take a chance and give it a try. I love them to death and they knew this would happen and I know they won't leave me alone. There are so many people around me and I know they will all help me. All I have to do is trust myself and be confident in myself. That will be hard, but it will be well worth it in the end.

~Dragon Eyes~