I Think My Boat Just Sunk

Let's just say my college needs to start renting out boats to their students. Either that or they need to fix the drainage on our campus. It is raining so hard outside. It's been like this all week long. Let's just say it sucks big time. I like the rain, but now when you are fighting currents on walkways, waterfalls on the stairs and lakes in the middle of your building complex. Yup. Welcome to New England. I'm so hoping for snow tomorrow. I would like a delayed opening, but a cancellation would be even better. I'm just so tired.

Have you ever had one of those days where your brain just won't shut up? Where it whispers its little doubts and fears and just keeps you dwelling on things you shouldn't be dwelling on anymore. That's what mine has been doing all day. I feel like I am a prisoner of my own mind. I hate it. It's awful to keeping going day by day and fighting just to keep on going and doing my normal activities. The gym, which is the one place where I can turn my brain off for a little bit, couldn't make it stop. I tried to find upbeat music and everything and it all came back to the little things that I couldn't get off my mind.

There was one other puzzling thing that added to everything. Last night I received an instant message from Mike. We haven't talked in a few weeks and suddenly he pokes me and is happy to see that I am alive and kicking. The last time I checked I was still alive. Apparently not. I was shocked that he was talking to me. And he surprised me by doing it again tonight. I won't lie. I am happy to talk to him again. But at the same time I am hesitant. I want to talk to him and hang out with him, but I don't want to get my heart attached to him again. I know deep down that he will always have part of my heart. Part of it will be forever his. I can never change that. But I honestly don't know if I'll ever fully recover from that and completely move on. I'm hoping therapy might help with that over time.

~Dragon Eyes~