Failing is So Easy

Why is failing so easy? Seriously? Everyone tells you success is hard, but worth it in the end. They don't always tell you that failing is so easy and so tantalizing. I hate failing. It makes me feel, well, like a failure. And I hate it. I just feel like my goal gets farther and father away and that I am slowly slipping down the mountain.

Today was the third not great lesson I have had in a row and it seems that every one of them gets worse and worse. I try so hard and yet I have nothing to show for it. My position is failing and my jumping is pretty much gone. I started with a vertical today and saw it revert back to a cross rail. It was so hard to continue and make it through when all I wanted to do was get off and stop. I am amazed that I managed to keep myself from crying until I was driving home. I hate having to show people my frustration in my failures.

By now I should be able to go out there and jump a course of 2'6 and 2'9 jumps with no problem and yet I can't. I can't even get over a single fence anymore at that height. I watch the people around me who ride and jump and do it with ease and yet I can't. After all these years of lessons I have nothing to show for it anymore.

~Dragon Eyes~