I Hid Under Your Porch Because I Love You

Dug the dog from the movie Up always puts a smile on my face. There is just something about a big lovable dog. This is why I will always be a dog person. Can a cat really give you the same kind of love and loyalty as a dog? Nope. There was a Pixar movie night on Stars HD and I watched Monsters Inc, Walle and Up. Perfect night. I also managed to knit a hat that is the perfect size! It only took me five tries to do it, but I have written it down and now I can makes hats like a pro! I also bought more yarn today so that I can work on my Harry Potter scarves and hat series. I can't wait to work on them. Right now I am making a very loud scarf. I love the bright colors so it should be interesting to see when it is all done.

Today has been a decent day. I went to the barn early and rode three horses and then came back here and watched tv, knit, and play video games. Last night for some reason was really hard and I just felt so alone. It was probably the fact that there was silence in the room next to mine. Usually my dad snores like a truck driver and the walls rattle. Last night there was only silence. And silence does things to people. I talked with Kyle a bunch and he tried his hardest to comfort me. I wish he had been with me and not 45 minutes away. It was just so hard. For once, crying myself to sleep didn't work. I resorted to music and eventually passed out. I think the silence was what did me in. It was late and dark and I suddenly felt alone. There's no other way to describe the alone and helpless feeling. I'm sure with time it will get better and I know I have amazing people around me.

Some of my relatives from New Jersey are coming up Monday. The wake is Monday and the funeral is Tuesday. Once that is over with things might start to get better. But right now it's hard. I hate it when things are in limbo as they are right now. The thing that I fear the most is what comes after. We have to do something with my grandma's house and everything in it. I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go inside and see everything, all the memories, all the pain. That will be one of the hardest things and I don't know if I can do it. But enough for now. It hurts enough as it is.

~Dragon Eyes~