My Future

This hasn't bothered me in a long time. I don't know what happened to make me think about it again. Oh. That's right. My neighbor told me to apply to a long term substitute position. My mom hounded me and I looked it up and went to apply. Guess what?? You have to be a certified teacher. Too bad. I can't apply. Not that I'm heartbroken over it. My parents flipped a fit when I told them I couldn't. They want me to get certified and then go teach. Understandable. They want me to have a job and money and they want me to use my education. I will get certified. If I ever pass Praxis II that is. Which will be never. That test is impossible. And the next test in November. That dates aren't even posted yet. That's okay with me since I would rather not ever take that test again. In that one 30 second argument with my parents, I realized something: They are pushing me into doing something I don't really want to do.

I don't want to teach. Subbing is fine, but teaching? No. It's not for me. I don't want to be trapped in a building with kids who don't care. I'd rather be out there helping people and getting results. I don't want to be like all of those other jaded teachers out there. No. I don't want that ever.

I am going to go for the personal fitness training program again and I will stick with it. Maybe after doing that and getting a job, I can go back to school for physical therapy or something like that. I want to know that I am really helping people who want to be helped or need to be helped. I can motivate people. I can. I want to make a difference.

My ultimate dream is to be an author and write. I want to do something worthwhile. Besides, in thinking about it, what am I going to do with history besides be a teacher? I don't know.

I am going to try and follow my heart, but the path is just so obscured that I am afraid I will lose my way and get lost and end up as nothing but a failure. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to have my parents look at me and say, "I told you so." But I can't give up. That's what failures do. And I don't want to be that.

~Dragon Eyes~