Good Memories and Bad Memories

Ali moved back to Eastern today. It was so strange to go back there but not go back there. Eastern has been my home for the last four years. I have made friends, lost friends, gotten drunk, fallen in love, and had my heart broken. There are memories I want to hold onto and cherish forever and there are memories that I never want to relive again. Every place I went I remembered good times. The dorm I lived in sophomore year, the drunken nights in Laurel. I remember the weekly dinner nights in highrise and the good times with friends around the television in lowrise. I remembered the friends I met and the ones I lost. I remembered the parties I went to with my friends. I remembered the drunken nights stumbling back from Blarney's or across campus. I remember halloween celebrations. I remember where I met people. I remembered the faces and the names. I remembered the boys I liked and the ones I hated. I remembered the nights I went home with guys and making out. I remembered my first kiss. I remembered my first boyfriend and my first break up. I remembered the long nights of pool and movies. I remembered the good classes and the bad classes. I remembered fire drills and history club and the awful Hurley food and the lack of parking. I remembered watching two girls almost have a smack down over parking. I remembered having my first drink and my first time getting drunk. I remembered the fights and the arguments. I remembered my computer getting stolen and the massive lowrise lake that appeared when it rained. I remembered swimming to class and having my umbrella be useless. I remembered the cold days and lonely nights. I remembered my very first back injury and the pain and depression that came with it. I remembered the first boy I fell in love with and the one who broke my heart.

So many memories. Most of them are the ones I want to hold on to and never let go. I want to go back and relive those memories. They say college is the best four years of your life. At first I thought that was a lie. Now I know. Four years came and went and I said goodbye to my temporary home. When I left I was so ready to be done. But now that I look back, I wish that wasn't the case. But it's time to move on with my life. I have to let college and Eastern go. I still have friends there and will go back to see them regularly, but it won't be the same as just randomly wandering over to see them and then wandering back to my room. Now I have to drive forty-five minutes.

I still have friends there. I have Amanda, Brian, Alex Renner, Keri, Susie and Tim. The one I was most surprised at was my friend Tim. We had gone to school together freshman and sophomore year and then he went back to Ohio to go to school there. Now he is back for his final semester as a super senior. I haven't seen him in almost three years and I forgot just how much I have missed him. He isn't the same kid that said goodbye to me all those years ago. He has aged and matured and grown into someone incredible. He really is like my big brother. There is just something about him that makes me feel this way. I can always go to him for help if I need to.

In the evening I went with my family and Amanda, Brian and Tim to dinner. Ali brought her roommate Michelle and we had pizza over by UCONN. It was just nice to be out together having a good time. And then before I knew it, I had to say goodbye and go home. It was just too weird. I could feel the tears and longing tear at my heart, but I had to look away and keep going. I can't live in the past. I have to embrace the future and all the things it has in store for me.

Guess who else I saw today? Mike. It was one of those things that I was expecting but not expecting. I figured I wouldn't see him at all since he hides in his room like a hermit, but low and behold I caught a good glimpse of him. I was sitting in the Laurel 5th floor common area with Tim and Brian and Mike came out of the stairwell. The two of us looked at each other. I mean fully stared at each other and then he walked by and down the hall. No hellos, no nothing. It was as if we were complete strangers. And by now, I guess we could be called that. I don't know anything about his life anymore and he knows nothing about mine. And that's how I want it to stay. That is probably the end for us. In a way I am sad. I look back at all the memories and the moments we shared and wish I could still look at them in a good light. But he is not worth my time. He is not worth dwelling over anymore. I have better friends and an amazing boyfriend in my life now and I don't need him. Maybe someday we can be friends again, but I will never make that first move. I will not. I have a feeling, though, that this is the end. But it's okay. I need to let the past be past.

Tomorrow is back to the gym with gusto as well as riding the horses and going to IKEA to pick up my bookcase (finally). Next week will be the start of personal fitness training school and I need to be in a good workout schedule. I can do it!

~Dragon Eyes~