Trying to Prove Myself

Today I came home and went to talk to the Branford Hall people about the personal fitness training program there. I was there for probably close to two hours and went around and talked to everyone as well as got a tour and then pretty much signed up to start the program in June. I will be doing the day session of the program and that is held from 8am to 230pm Monday through Thursday and this is for like 9 months and by March I will be complete and ready to go off and get a job. All expenses are included in the tuition like books and all the equipment and uniform that I need to wear and such. The tuition is $14,000 but it includes everything. I know it is a lot and stuff but Eastern was quite a bit more. I got a tour of the place as well and I really liked everything they had to offer.

Breaking it to my mom was another story. She was not thrilled and continued to tell me that she was watching me waste all my time at Eastern to go to a career institute. It hurt. No lie. I was crushed. I figured she would be happy to see me be happy doing something I want to do. She knows teaching isn't what I want to do. She hears me complain and be upset about it all the time. It's just not for me. Being a personal fitness trainer allows me to work with all kinds of people who want to learn from me. Teaching is nice and all but I am so burned out after 4 and half months. I would not be able to survive an entire year. I know in my heart that I would be miserable for 180 days or however long the school year is. I have always told people that I could never see myself trapped behind a desk all day and that's exactly what teaching is. I would rather get up at 530am and go to a gym than go teach. It is going to take them some convincing. And I think they should be happy that I actually have a college degree. I could have skipped college altogether or skipped out halfway through. I completed it. That's something right?

It doesn't feel like a Tuesday. I am used to being on campus that I find it weird to be home. It's also going to make those last five weeks of student teaching hell. I'm just not going to want to do much of anything. All I'll be thinking of is being home and sleeping. Ugh. I don't want to go back and finish it, but I am so close that it is stupid to quit now.

I am going on a date on Thursday with Kyle. We are going to go see the movie How To Train Your Dragon in 3D. I am excited and nervous. We have known each other for almost two years so I know what to expect from him and what kind of person he is. But I am wondering if something is going to come out of this. I hope so, but I am not holding my breath. Dreaming gets you nowhere except for getting your hopes up and then crushing them.

Speaking of crushing, I think someone has a crush on me. Yes. I really do. I think Brian Lloyd has a crush on me. I think he talks to me every day and now he has begun to stop by while I am working and hang out with me. He's a nice kid, but he is starting to get a little clingy and its driving me bananas. Maybe I need some space too?? He's a nice kid and all but I see him as a friend. I have noticed this with guys. As soon as a guy takes interest and starts talking to me nonstop I back off and run away. I don't know why this is. Maybe I am just mental. Maybe the Zoloft I just started will eventually help.

~Dragon Eyes~