Today I'm Fine Without You

"Yesterday was hell
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me,

but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There'll be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
grip falls away."
~Straightjacket Feeling by The All-American Rejects~

This song randomly popped on my itunes and I was just sort of half listening to it when I heard the lyrics. I look and really can say that I am fine without. I am fine without Mike. I don't catch myself looking for him all the time. I find myself looking for Kyle instead. I know he isn't Mike and can never replace all of the memories, but I want to make my own memories with him. I want to look back and laugh at all the goofy things we've done. We text every day without fail. And I find I am excited to hear from him more and more. Sure I had that dream about Mike a few nights ago, but it faded away like dreams do. I can still see his face and feel those tears roll down my cheeks, but I push it away. While Mike made me cry over and over again, Kyle doesn't. There is something about him that always makes me smile. I appreciate everything that he does for me and wish I could do more. I think my favorite lyric is that I am holding on by letting you go. It's pretty much the only way I do hold on anymore. I find myself doing everything under the sun and somehow I find the strength I need to keep going.

My room is definitely looking a lot better. I have to say that. Tomorrow I am going with my friend Erica (who is really like my big sister) to ikea to find wall storage!! I am excited because this is really going to help me with the last bit of the cleaning. At least that is what I am hoping. Slowly but surely. The windows come in on the 21st we believe. I just hope I have my room pretty (prettier) by then. We will see. Now to find my bed so I can curl up and read Stephen King for a while before passing out.

~Dragon Eyes~