At The End of All Things

All good things have to come to an end. It's the saying that has been passed down over and over again and it is the truth. Nothing can last forever. We are humans and our life is short. Just a few short years and then it's over.

Kyle and I decided to end our relationship this evening. It was pretty mutual. Well, he brought it to the table and we we decided mutually. His feelings for me had changed since when we first started dating and he felt that to keep going with me would be to lead me on and it would hurt me even more down the road. I have been hurt plenty of times before. More than I should have ever been hurt in the first place. While this hurts now and is a strong hurt, I know deep down that it will be okay in the end. I will move on and be okay. Ending things with Mike was worse. There was no clear closure. It was just there and then not. With Kyle we talked and figured things out and want to stay friends. I couldn't bear it if we couldn't be friends. He felt the same way.

Jocelyn asked me if I tried to fight it. No. I didn't. I can't change someone's feelings for me. Never would want to. That's no fair to me or to them. Crazy as it sounds, while I had feelings for Kyle and such, I was never 100% sure. There was always a piece of doubt in the back of my mind that this wasn't what I was looking for. I felt that way at the start and it kind of disappeared a bit but it never vanished completely. I lost a part of my heart a long time ago to someone else and that part will never come back. I know that now.

While I am upset and probably will cry later on. I know I have so many people around me to help me. I can spend more time on school and more time with my horses and friends. But the important thing is that in looking back, I don't regret anything that happened or anything I did. I wouldn't take any of it back. And I will thank Kyle everyday for pulling me out of my shell and allowing me to live. He forever changed me. And I will always love him for that.

Thank you so much, Kyle. You still will never know how much you mean to me.

~Dragon Eyes~