"Baby, I told myself that I'll be fine but it's a lie
I don't want to talk about it
Memories, oh they cut like knives
Deep inside I'm falling
Baby, catch me if you can"
~Mayday Parade - If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?~
I don't want to talk about it
Memories, oh they cut like knives
Deep inside I'm falling
Baby, catch me if you can"
~Mayday Parade - If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?~
I made it through my second weekend at the cider mill. It was a long day today. The morning went by fast but after that not so much. It was so hot in the store, especially in the bakery and kitchen that we were miserable. After a while Kelly and I took turns going and standing in the freezer for a bit. Dan got us a fan at the end of the day, but I have my serious doubts that it is going to do us much good, but it's the thought that counts I guess. Dan John also came into the store and said hi and went off to take pictures. I told him I missed seeing him, and he told me it was because I hadn't come out in a while and needed to change that. I only missed one Thursday but I guess that sounds like a hint that I need to start going out with everyone on Thursdays again. I don't know if I will do it this Thursday or the Thursday after that, but I will at some point. Jocelyn said she would eventually come out again and I think I might wait for her before I return, even though I know everyone there.
Now here is the update that I got from Jocelyn last night. I poked her via text message and asked her if she could poke her boyfriend Christian and see if he knew anything about the reason that Kyle broke up with me. I am just curious and I think that there is more to that "its not you its me" excuse that Kyle gave me. She gave me some interesting things to think about. She also thinks that the reason that his feelings for me had changed is not really the truth. She thinks the bigger, underlying reason is that he is afraid of commitment and that he didn't know how to handle a relationship and ended it out of fear of that. Apparently, his best friend Ben said that while we were perfect for each other, he figured it wouldn't last because Kyle has never really been in a long term relationship and that is afraid of commitment. Well, I think he nailed that one right on the head. We talked about all kinds of things and she thinks at some point I should talk to him and see if I could clarify anything about what happened between the two of us without sounding like I am begging for him to take me back, which I don't want to do. At least maybe clarify to him that I still like him and think he's an awesome person and that I was willing to slow down for him and do whatever he needed me to do. I would also tell him no matter what, I would never take anything back and he allowed me for the first time in my life to be comfortable in my own skin and truly like who I am. That's what I really want to tell him.
Okay. Enough about that, but that was my weekend update. I'll admit, I miss him a lot. I miss a lot of things about him and just like the song states, memories cut like knives. But I never want to lose any of them.
~Dragon Eyes~
Now here is the update that I got from Jocelyn last night. I poked her via text message and asked her if she could poke her boyfriend Christian and see if he knew anything about the reason that Kyle broke up with me. I am just curious and I think that there is more to that "its not you its me" excuse that Kyle gave me. She gave me some interesting things to think about. She also thinks that the reason that his feelings for me had changed is not really the truth. She thinks the bigger, underlying reason is that he is afraid of commitment and that he didn't know how to handle a relationship and ended it out of fear of that. Apparently, his best friend Ben said that while we were perfect for each other, he figured it wouldn't last because Kyle has never really been in a long term relationship and that is afraid of commitment. Well, I think he nailed that one right on the head. We talked about all kinds of things and she thinks at some point I should talk to him and see if I could clarify anything about what happened between the two of us without sounding like I am begging for him to take me back, which I don't want to do. At least maybe clarify to him that I still like him and think he's an awesome person and that I was willing to slow down for him and do whatever he needed me to do. I would also tell him no matter what, I would never take anything back and he allowed me for the first time in my life to be comfortable in my own skin and truly like who I am. That's what I really want to tell him.
Okay. Enough about that, but that was my weekend update. I'll admit, I miss him a lot. I miss a lot of things about him and just like the song states, memories cut like knives. But I never want to lose any of them.
~Dragon Eyes~
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