Being Positive in a Negative World

I went to go type my entry for my blog and suddenly discovered a writer's worst nightmare: I completely forgot what I was going to write. I know I had something I wanted to say, but for some reason it seems to have slipped out of grasp and flown away on the windy, rainy weather. Oh well. It happens to everyone at some point in time, but lets see if I can get myself back on some sort of track.

The school day seemed to go by faster than normal for me. I am not really sure why, but I managed to teach my two classes and not completely botch anything up, though I did end about ten minutes early with my first class. The renaissance just doesn't hold my attention or interest for very long and there is only so much I have to say about it before I want to jump out of the window and run. Tomorrow will be my most difficult day out of the week. I hate 2 days. I teach three classes in a row and the only one I really enjoy teaching is the last one. The other two classes are just awful and this kids (while they mean well) are such little pains that all I want to do is kick them and ask them what the hell they are thinking. But I can't do that. I just have to do what I always do and keep on going. There is really nothing else I can do but hope for the best with all of that. The assistant principal is supposed to observe my first class and the one that I have the most problems with. I'm hoping his presence will keep the kids more in line and keep students from leaving in anger while calling everyone ignorant. Oh the joys of teaching and how I cannot wait for it to be done with.

I ran into my friend Sarah this afternoon when I was heading off to the gym. Apparently she is just as ready to be over and done with it as me and everyone else it seems. No body really seems to be having a good time with it. At least I feel like I am not alone with that, as well as teaching subjects that I know nothing about. That's one of the worst things, because I feel unprepared and I hate feeling that way.

Now I am sitting at work typing this. I have read over some more things about the renaissance and have some new stuff to add as well as give one of my classes a pre-assessment for my education portfolio I am supposed to be working on for my class. One more thing added to my list of things to do. I am just so ready to be over and done with so I can sleep my life away.

And I emailed Professor Stewart about grad schools and different career choices and she sent back her office hours. I am going to try and visit her on Wednesday and see if she can help me out at all with my future. Now my parents cannot say anything to me because I will have gone to talk to her. And hopefully something will come of all of that. I really hate feeling so lost and undecided. I think that is just the feeling I feel all of the time now. I will have to mention that in therapy. I keep trying to repeat Alex Moura's words in my head about positive attitudes, because they are what make all the difference in the world. It's hard and he told me that as well, but I just need to keep going and live every day to its fullest. I'm doing my best, but it's so hard to be positive in such a negative world.

~Dragon Eyes~