I'm So Tired

I'm so tired.

It's a different kind of tired, though. Sure, I could probably go to bed right now, but I know I wouldn't sleep. I just don't really sleep. I would go to bed simply because I don't have anything else to do and don't care if I did anything or not. It's a sad way to live my life. I hate feeling so tired and drained all the time. I go to bed tired and I wake up tired. There's just no end to it. I wish I could sleep and sleep and sleep forever and not have to be bothered, but that just isn't the case. I have to get up and keep going. I can't let people see me any other way. I don't need more people worrying about me. People shouldn't have to worry about me all the time.

Brian Lloyd keeps talking to me and trying to tell me everything will be okay and that I will be able to make it through all of this. His words are good and true and I know he wishes he could do more to help me, but as he said it's my life and I have to be the one to do it. He says to follow my instincts, but right now my instincts tell me to just quit while I am ahead because nothing ever changes and that it's useless to dream. Dreaming just doesn't get you anywhere. It just gives you false hopes and lets you dash them yourself.

Last night I ended up calling and leaving my friend Molly a voicemail which she asked about this morning through facebook inbox. Well I told her and she sent a message back to me and I sent her one back again. I haven't heard from her since then and am wondering if she has abandoned me and turned her back on me like the rest of the world seems to have done. I dunno. I just keep going and hoping something will turn out. Right now I am not very hopeful.

I have also decided that I can't be bothered with Mike anymore. I stupidly texted him when I was at the wedding last night when I really shouldn't have. Another one of my dumb moments in life that I wish I could take back.

Tomorrow I go back to student teaching while everyone is on spring break. I'm not looking forward to it and wish it would just be over with. I'm just so burnt out with everyone and everything and this just adds to my feeling of being tired. On Tuesday it will be two months until graduation. If only I can make it until then...

~Dragon Eyes~