Self Confidence

Everyone has one of those days where no matter what happens and what you wear and what other people say, you don't like who you are. Well I had one of those negative body image days today. It's hard when I walk around campus and see all the skinny girls lying out in the sun in their bikinis, tank tops and shorts. No matter what they were they look good in it. I hate it. I also hate how all clothes are designed for girls size 0 to size 2. Yeah. That's not very realistic. This is why I hate clothes shopping.

I ended up going to the mall with Ali and Steph to find a dress for the wedding I'm going to on Saturday. It didn't take as long as I thought it would and now I have a dress, shoes, shrug, and clutch. I am rather proud of myself. There wasn't any crying or swearing this time around. I need to work on fixing my spring and summer wardrobe. It would just make things a little easier if I liked what I put on my body. Hopefully I can overcome all of that and just enjoy me for me.

I am also thinking of changing my hair. I think that might give me a boost as well and make guys look at me and go wow instead of going I want to have sex with her now. I want to be different. So I think I am going to cut my hair shorter and more angular as well as put some sort of reddish highlight in. I am also going to see if I can put a relaxer in it to make the perm disappear. It's time for something new.

I am just so tired of guys looking at me for the sex aspect instead of my personality. No guy truly likes me for me and I'm sick of it. I talked with my therapist Suzanne at large about this. I just want someone to respect me and love me for who I am. I want them to look past the blond hair, blue eyes and big boobs and see me for me. I don't know if that will ever happen, but I'm quite done with looking and finding nothing.

~Dragon Eyes~