One Day At A Time

"Maybe I'm a dreamer,
Maybe I'm just misunderstood,
Maybe you're not seeing the side of me you should,
Maybe I'm crazy,
Maybe I'm the only one,
Maybe I'm just out of touch,
Maybe I've just had enough."
~Maybe by Sick Puppies~

I am slowly building my self confidence and confidence in general back slowly day by day. I know it is not an easy process and that it is going to take me a long time to actually be normal but it is something that has to be done. One day at a time. It is the same with writing. One word at a time. That's how it has to be. You can't write the whole book at one time. You need to go word by word and those words slowly add up and become sentences, then paragraphs and then chapters and then the whole book. It's a step my step process and it has to be done in that fashion. I guess it is the same with all of this mess that I am in right now.

I have to work slowly on being confident in everything that I do. I have to be confident with myself. I have to learn how to look into the mirror and really love and appreciate the girl that is staring back at me. I have to learn how to be completely and utterly happy again. That I think will take the longest trying to battle the depression that has set it deep. In looking back I am pretty sure I started to really go downhill when I injured my back. That took a huge toll on me mentally as well as physically. It was a major mind block that I just couldn't figure how to overcome. My back still hurts. It is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, but it still lingers in the back of my mind always. It was such a devastating blow to me and it made me feel weak and it still does. I just feel fragile. I am such an active person that this type of injury took me down and out completely. There was nothing I could do to make it go away except let it heal on it's own. Time will forever be the enemy.

I also need to learn how to relax and go with the flow and overcome the mess I had with Andrew. He never responded back to my message and I discovered that he had defriended me off of facebook. Oh well. It is his loss and it just shows how immature he is and how much he overreacted. It still is overwhelming to think things went from being okay to being like we never met each other. In some ways it's good. This way I don't have to be constantly concerned with him. He is out of the picture now. But I look and see something else. I see my friends. The gang has not given up on me and isn't leaving me. Just knowing that I still have their friendship and love is enough to make the darkest days and nights that much brighter.



To all my friends: Thank you. Without you I probably would have given up a long long time ago.



~Dragon Eyes~