Talking It Out

I finally went to my first therapy session today. I have been waiting to go and talk to someone for the longest time, especially after this weekend with the whole ordeal with my computer. I was excited and relived to go talk to someone, but I was also nervous. I am always nervous with these things. I am afraid to judged and looked at like someone less. I don't know why I feel this way but I do. But I went in and held my head up high telling myself everyone at some point in their life needs to talk to someone. They can be the most popular girl in the school or the hottest jock but at some point they are going to find that turning to someone is the best thing for them.

Suzanne was really nice and let me vent out my problems and tried to get a feel for who I was as a person. I mentioned everything I could think of. I talked about the theft of my computer, the stress with my roommate Jen, the stress that I feel all the time and how it's debilitating, the whole love triangle with me, Andrew and Mike and just how to feel happy again. Yeah it's a lot and I sort of did a lot of summing up and explaining. Next Thursday is when it all really starts I guess. I can't wait to go back and get started with putting my life back together.

There is one thing I never mentioned a couple posts ago. I meant to, but I just never got around to it. Well, I mentioned that Mike came over and hung out on Tuesday and we played 007 and had a good time. It was like old times again. I missed hanging out with him and talking to him all the time, so it was nice to have a chill night with him. He stayed for a few hours and we had a blast. But all good things must come to an end and he needed to go and I needed to go to bed. She we wandered into the kitchen/common room and were kind of standing there and chatting and it was weird. Just the way he stood there and looked at me and some of the things he said made me wonder if he still really liked me and was unsure how to proceed. He knows about Andrew and told me he respected that and that he would try to behave. Like I said, I think he might still really like me and that he suddenly realized maybe how stupid he was to let me go. I don't know if that is true or not, but that was the feeling I got from him.

I want to hang out with him. Don't get me wrong. He is always going to have a piece of my heart. We have been through too much together not to. I know Andrew would not approve, but this is my choice. I can never go back to Mike. Andrew is so much more. But unfortunately in the back of my mind I wonder if something could happen between us again. I push that thought away.

~Dragon Eyes~