The Uncertainties of the Human Mind

The weather is warming up and the sun is shining during the days. Every morning it's getting lighter. I've noticed this as I make the long drive to school and have the sun shining annoyingly in my face. I also notice the difference in the light in general throughout the day. It's hard to describe how I feel. I like the warm weather and it means that spring is coming and that May is getting even closer. But it also leaves a deep sense of sadness. I like the dark. I feel safe when it's dark out and there is just something about the winter sun that I suddenly miss. Even though I suffer with seasonal depression and that it gets worse year after year I wish for the dark, cold winter and the snow. I'm weird, I know, but there is just something that makes me sad about the coming of spring.



In some ways I think this is also hard on me every morning when I wake up, get ready and go to school. I dread it, but as soon as I get there and start teaching I feel like it's where I belong. I enjoy it but I want it to be done with. I think it is time for me to move on and get a real job, that's closer to my house. The 45 minute commute gives me too much time to think in the morning and that is never good for me. The days keep flying by and I know I can make it. I've come this far and I can make it the rest of the way.

I'm also suddenly having second thoughts about changing my room. I know Kerri is working to try and find something for me, but today I actually hung with my roommates and talked to them. I chatted with Keri for a while and Jeanette and I actually had some bonding time, just the two of us, which was nice. I don't know. I haven't seen Jen in two days and frankly I'm alright with that. I don't want to see her. But I don't know. It's just weird. I want to change rooms but at the same time I don't.

Mike is coming by around 8ish to play some Bond for a while. I can't wait to see him and such after not seeing him for well over a month. We will see how all of this goes. I haven't talked to Andrew today at all, and I didn't yesterday either. Maybe he is just trying to give me some space. I don't know. I'm just kind of rolling with everything and seeing where the road takes me.

~Dragon Eyes~